annnnd we're back

Well hello! it's been a minute. If you were previously following my blog, you know I went off the grid pretty much right after Beck was born back in March. Beck was born the day the US shut down due to COVID...so along with all of the chaos and drama surrounding that, Jordan and I were bringing home a new baby to quarantine.

Being in quarantine with a 2 year old and a newborn for almost 5 months now has been no easy feat. Naturally, I have really not had much time to focus on things for myself and by extension this blog. That is all going to start changing! I was listening to this really inspirational podcast the other night [She Can Thrive with Kandice Lea] and sort of had this epiphany:

If I spend an hour a day doing something for MYSELF...something that makes me feel inspired...something that gives me an identity outside of being a mama...the kids will in fact be ok!

I'm gonna say that one more time for the mamas in the back

the kids WILL be ok.

Several months ago I did a post on mom guilt...something that I continue to really struggle with every single day. I mean sometimes it's so intense that I feel guilty leaving the room to put away laundry for five minutes. As if my five minute absence is somehow going to send a message to my boys that I don't care about them or don't want to be with them when in reality, thoughts like that would never ever come across their minds! Intellectually I know I am being absolutely ridiculous when I have these thoughts, but emotionally I still feel that way. It's almost like I get in this competition with myself where the only way to "prove" I am a good mom is to literally be engaging my boys during all waking hours. So then I get caught in this cycle where something as basic as taking a shower feels like I am betraying the boys by not being there for them. I know. It's extreme.

So...circling back to this fantastic podcast I was listening to. When Kandice talked about how important it is to have an identity outside of motherhood...something that makes you feel like a human...something that makes you feel proud...it really resonated with me. Now this is not to say I plan to spend tons of time away from my kids. I am first and foremost a mama...I have wanted to be a mama most of my life and I would not trade this role for anything in the world. The thing here is that it does not have to be an either or. I don't have to either be a mom or have an individual identity. I CAN have both. All moms can have both.

This is where the blog comes in. In the months leading up to Beck's birth, I was really diligent about posting. I didn't do it because I wanted accolades or attention...I did it because it feels good to share information that can help other moms. It feels good to process thoughts and emotions surrounding motherhood knowing maybe one other person will relate and connect. It feels good to do something for myself. So that is what I am committing to through this blog. One hour a day of me time to work on content ... posts ... pictures ... whatever!...and to do it guilt free with a secure sense of self...confident in the fact that carving out some time for myself will not hurt my boys. In fact, it will show them that I can be something and do something that makes me feel proud so that one day they can model those same behaviors and fuel their lives with things that make them feel the same way.

So...for all my not yet parents, soon to be parents, mamas, dads, grandparents, aunts/uncles etc. out there...comment below or shoot me a DM on the gram and let me know what kinds of content you want to see more of.

P.S. to all my mamas out there...you deserve some time to be you...to do the things you enjoy...and to do them guilt free. Join me in the challenge!

Let the games begin.