To all the partners of an expectant mama, this one's for you!
I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about the mamas out there...which makes sense since I am one and can speak from my personal experience. However, that does not mean our partners should be forgotten in the process!
This right here is a step by step guide for how your partner can be most helpful preparing for labor and through the birthing process.
1. Take a birthing class together. A lot of hospitals require this step in order to deliver at their location. If they don't, I would encourage couples to consider this; especially if you have 0 experience with pregnant mamas and babies. Your hospital will provide a list of classes available.
2. Take a tour of the labor and delivery floor. Again, most hospitals offer this option. My husband and I went on the L&D tour about 5 months before our son was born and it was really helpful. We liked being able to see where exactly we would go upon entering the hospital, what we would do to check in, where we would be taken for triage, where birth would take place and where we would be transported for recovery. I highly recommend taking the time to do this. With all the unknown associated with childbirth, it is nice to at least have a clear understanding of where you will be and what you can expect from that.
3. Birth preferences. Discuss what your expectant mama wants her birth to look like. Does she want to go no pain meds? or does she want the pain meds flowing at max volume? Does she want an OBGYN or does she want a Midwife? Make sure you are open to listening to what her preferences are and what she wants and then support whatever that is. Remember partners: while you may have opinions on the subject, [and those opinions are certainly important and valid] you are not the one giving birth...when it comes down to it, you need to support whatever your baby mama decides...that is a requirement.
4. When contractions start, be in charge of timing them. Mom is going to be going through increasingly worse pain as time goes on. Take timing contractions off of her plate. Babylist provides a list of pregnancy apps that have a contraction timing feature. You can check it out here.
5. Be ready to roll when it's time to go to the hospital. Partners, this means having your bag packed with all the things you may need. Mama will have taken care of her stuff and baby's, so she will not have time to prep yours. Have this bag packed several weeks in advance so that you don't have to scramble when the time comes. Here is a comprehensive list of what partners should have packed in their hospital bags. Click here to view.
6. Help pass the time. In most cases, labor is a very long process...even when already at the hospital; it's a waiting game. Have the iPad loaded with shows you like to watch together if mama wants to do that or simply have your massage hands ready to help her relax. My hubby gave me the best back massage of all time during labor and it seriously helped so much.
7. Document. Make sure your phone is all charged up and you have a charger with you so that you can document the day! Without annoying your wife, find time to get some pictures of the happenings during your hospital stay...it is so nice to have these pictures later to look back on.
8. Make sure you are not hangry. Like I said, labor can be a loonnnng process. Partners need ensure they have eaten and hydrated so they're ready to be in full support mode during the big moment. However, DO NOT eat your meal and snacks in the hospital room in front of your wife who has been starved since she was admitted to the hospital. Once labor and delivery admits you, mamas can no longer eat...be mindful of the fact that it could be over 24 hours before your baby mama gets a meal...so do not snack in the room unless you want to bring danger upon yourself :).
9. Have mamas food request handled. While mom is starving during labor she will undoubtedly be fantasizing about what her post birth meal will be. Partners, take it upon yourself to appoint a very trustworthy individual to be in charge of getting the food and bringing it to the hospital to have ready for mom when she is ready to eat after baby. Either that or have your food delivery apps ready to roll. I had been dreaming of sushi my entire pregnancy...my husband literally had a catering tray of sushi delivered to the hospital for me to eat after Axel was born. I kid you not...a catering tray. It was a sushi dream come true.
10. Go time. When the doctor says it's time for your babes arrival, partners need to go into full on support mode. ALL of your energy has to go towards supporting mama and doing whatever she needs to make the process as smooth as possible.
11. Be her advocate. This is arguably the most important and meaningful thing a partner can do. In addition to the unconditional support, you need to be moms advocate to ensure that she is getting what she needs. Do not be shy to speak up to medical professionals. If something needs to be adjusted, make it happen for her. Carry this mentality through after birth. Once baby is born mom will be so unbeliably overjoyed...and also more exhausted than she has ever been. Keep the relatives and friends from pouncing until she is ready. It is natural for our loved ones to want to be there as soon as possible. If mama wants that, make it happen. If she wants time, keep them at bay...this time is about mom and baby and what they need most.
Partners truly play a vital role during the entire pregnancy, labor and birthing process. The way a partner behaves during these sensitive times sets the tone for what the process will be. You want a positive process. You have the control to make that happen. Communicate with your baby mama...find out what she wants...what she needs...support whatever that may be...and make it happen. We as moms understand that this time can be slightly difficult for the partners because they tend to fall down on the totem pole. That is a natural part of the sequence of events and very much to be expected. This is a very peculiar time in life when the weight has to be shifted in favor of mom and what she needs because that is translated directly to baby. Mama will be eternally grateful to you for respecting whatever her wishes may be and it will unite you in a way you never thought possible.
Pictured below: Jordan during his first week of fatherhood...giving our boy snuggles in the NICU. Round 1 was definitely a learning curve for us as a couple, but now going into round 2 we are armed and ready!
...Oh and here is proof of that sushi platter Jordan hooked me up with. Yes it was all eaten.
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