If you have been following my blog up to this point, you have seen multiple posts about what to do to prep for baby and what to do when baby comes home. Naturally, when there is a newborn amongst us, suddenly everyone in your life wants to come around to see your teeny tiny human. I don't blame them! Newborns are freaking adorable. While the bulk of the focus and excitement should absolutely be geared towards the new little earthling, let's not forget the badass that grew this human for 40 weeks and then gave birth to it...most commonly known as "mama."
Brand new mamas will likely experience this overwhelming realization that they are responsible for this very precious little life. Mom has to feed him, bathe him, burp him, change his diaper, do tummy time, read him Hemingway and Tolstoy while playing Mozart in the background and explaining the periodic table because of course the only way your one day old child will amount to anything is if mom piles everything on before his first birthday. Now, clearly I am exaggerating just a tad here. Let's reign it in. My point here is that those first few months for new moms are filled with all kinds of new realities that can sometimes make her feel like she's under a tremendous amount of pressure to be the perfect mom; to do things the "right" way. I am not going to sit here and say she should not feel that way because it is part of the process...every new mom has to go through this phase. What I can say is that once new moms navigate through this part, they will find their chill. BUT in the meantime, this is a guide for the support system of new mamas [family, friends or whoever else is in your life] articulating what you CAN do to help make other aspects of new motherhood as easy as possible for mama.
1. Bring mom some food. I know, this seems like a very old fashioned and basic task, but let me tell you, it means a lot. The first few weeks of having a newborn are a total blur. Mom is sleep deprived and fully consumed by her new bundle of joy. An easy task like grabbing something to eat from the fridge suddenly becomes extremely difficult. You either do not have time to eat because you're literally catering to baby every second of the day OR when you do get a chance to take a breath and grab some food, you're too tired and choose to sleep instead. This is where the support system comes in! Family and friends of the new mama...if you plan on stopping by to meet the baby, bring food with you. Mom will appreciate it more than you know.
2. Give her a bottle of water. Yes you read that right, I said water, not wine [wine is for later]. There is a huge risk of dehydration after baby for varying reasons. You can just assume mom has not sat down and actually drank a glass of water. Be her water buddy and make it happen.
3. Offer to come over and do laundry. There will be plenty of it and mom will be so grateful.
4. Let mom take a shower. If you plan to come and spend time with mom and baby, be efficient. Tell mama you will hold the baby for her so that she can go and take a shower. You would not believe how difficult taking a shower becomes in the weeks after baby. Mama will love you for giving her the chance to spend more than 90 seconds getting clean.
5. Load the dishwasher and take out the trash. When visiting baby, if you notice dishes piling up in the sink or the trash overflowing, offer to do something about it. Loading/unloading dishes and dragging garbage bags outside becomes really hard when you're holding a baby...even harder if mom just had a c-section.
6. Help with the other children. If the mama you are visiting has older children in addition to her newborn, offer to help. Either suggest that you hold the baby for a while so mom can pay much needed attention to her older child or vice versa.
7. Let mom word vomit all over you. If the new mom you're visiting wants to process all the changes in her new life, let her! Just be there...support her...and listen. Unless she is looking for advice, don't offer it. Sometimes you just need a minute to share everything that you have going on in your head so that you can clear space for new chaos. Let her do that.
8. Offer to run errands. Now that we're in the days of Amazon Prime, assistance with errand running is not always required, but ask anyways! If mom needs something and you're willing to get it for her, you have eliminated a significant barrier for her that day.
9. Give her space. If the new mama you know indicates that she just needs some time to settle into her new life, let her do that! Do not push yourself on her or make her feel guilty for not having you over to visit with the baby. Her wanting space has nothing to do with how much she values her relationship with you...so don't make it about you. Read the room. If she seems like she just needs some time, let it happen and be supportive about it. She will be so thankful.
10. Affirm her. Make sure the new mama in your life knows that she is seen. Acknowledge the fact that what she is doing is hard as hell and you are proud of her. You would not believe how meaningful genuine acknowledgements of efforts are during this sensitive time.
While there are several other things you can do to support mom, I have narrowed it down to what I personally feel are the 10 most meaningful things. Small acts of kindness go such a long way during the immediate period after a new baby is brought home. We mamas survive because of the support system we cultivate...we need you in our lives. If you or someone you know has a friend or family member who is pregnant/just gave birth, make sure you share this list with them. It will go a long way.
Pictured below: SO much support from my tribe went into taking this shot. While it may look effortless, this is what was really going on. Our amazing friend and photographer for this shot, #KTMerry fixed my hair after the Axe man got a huge chunk tangled in his tiny fingers...she laid out my dress in that "just right" position...and helped place my little man perfectly in my arms. Our other wonderfully talented photographer and close friend, #ChadKeffer was taking Axel's photoshoot onesie out of the dryer where we had to put it after his diaper leaked all over it 10 minutes into the newborn shoot. Then of course, I cannot forget the hubby who was setting up my pump and getting all the parts together because while I do have a huge smile on my face, I also had not pumped in 2.5 hours...if you know, you know.
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