Here we are again chatting about some mama guilt...because let's be real...it's an ongoing dialogue.
Over the last 10 days or so, I have really made it a point to work on my experience with mom guilt. It is really such a crippling feeling that serves absolutely no purpose other than to inflict unnecessary misery...which means we gotta nip that.
In this post I am going to list and explain the strategies I have implemented that have started to help lift the mom guilt tunnel of doom. Let's get after it:
My Top Tips for Enjoying Mama Time Without all the Guilt
Make a plan
This part is crucial. You must must must make a plan. I am very guilty of talking the talk and not walking the walk when it comes to scheduling in time to do work or just take time for myself. I have found it very helpful to plan out the whole week ahead...look at your schedule and find the pockets of time where doing something on your own would provoke the least amount of anxiety. Once you have done that, write it down. It is much harder to ignore something when you have physically put it on your schedule.
Communicate
Once you have determined when you are going to take time for you, communicate that with whomever helps care for the wildings when you're not around. Communication deficits have literally caused wars...don't assume your partner or whoever can read your mind and know you plan to take time for yourself. Tell them. That way when the time comes, you won't find yourself disappointed at having to reschedule b/c your wires got crossed.
Don’t expect perfection
If you're like me and new at the whole "being ok with taking time for yourself," thing, don't expect perfection. It's not like finally scheduling some mama time is going to just magically become guilt free. It will take practice to feel totally comfortable allowing yourself engage in self-care without worrying about what could go wrong with the kids. Don't be hard on yourself.
Be innovative
COVID obviously limits typical self-care activities, but that does not mean that it can't happen...it just means you have to get a little creative! If you can't physically leave the house, find a place in the house you can be totally alone. Read a book, watch a movie, work on your blog OR maybe even take a nap?!?! I know...groundbreaking idea. Point is, don't discount time off because choices are limited...work with what you got!
Understand cost-benefit
This is a biggie. It may never be "easy" for you to spend time away from your littles without guilt, but it can become smoother if you understand the cost-benefit. For example:
...Cost: you are feeling like you're missing out on something with the kids when you're not around.
...Benefit: by engaging in self- care, you are renewing yourself so that your time with the kids is higher quality.
It's all about reframing self-care. Understanding that yes, you will in fact not be with your kids while you are doing whatever it is you choose to do. BUT you are doing something for yourself that will in turn make you a better parent for the kids you adore so much. See where I'm going with this?
Confidence in your role as both mama and human
Be confidant in who you are as a mom and as a human. If you're using your very finite free time to read posts about how to cope with mom guilt, you obviously care more than most. Here's the thing, you are also allowed to be confident in yourself as a human being outside of your role as mom. "Mama" and "human" can in fact be two separate entities...tending to one does not mean that you are robbing from the other. I will say that again: tending to one does not mean that you are robbing from the other.
So there you have it. My top tips for working through mom guilt. Now, I'm not gonna claim that applying these strategies one time is going to suddenly rid you of all the mama guilt in the world; I myself am still working through my own. HOWEVER, what I will claim is that making these changes in your mindset will pave the path to one day being able to fully and completely give yourself all the self-care and love without feeling like you're letting your kids down.
You got this mama.
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